i’m still logging in here every now and again. school has got me really busy and it’s taking all of my time and effort just to stay afloat this semester, but i think everything is going to be okay. this time of year sucks but it will be over soon. i’m drinking lots of water and trying to get to bed early. i hope everyone is doing well.
get well soon, lu han ♡ i love you. i’ll miss you a lot but i want you to be healthy. get lots of rest. thank you for everything.
i don’t have much to do here. this is devastating and terrifying and i am shaken to the core. i don’t know if this is the last anyone will see of me on this blog but i can’t say that scrolling through my dashboard of people going back to their regularly scheduled fandom blogging is something that i want to do right now. it’s fine if you weren’t a fan. if you are over it, then good for you. but i can’t do that. i can’t be over it right now. i know how my mind works. i will think about it a lot, until i can hardly stand it anymore.
i don’t… think… i can ever really resume things on tumblr, or in fandom in general, after this. i don’t know how to explain what i’m feeling right now, that’s really all i can say. i’ve had a lot of fun here with you all. lately i do have to admit, i’ve not been feeling it, though. it probably looks drastic to a lot of you, but i don’t want to make posts and laugh and have fun right now. i always have that feeling of wishing the world could stop just for a minute when something bad happens. i wish the world would stop for eunbi. i feel upset and scared seeing her become an afterthought. i am thinking a lot about her—and rise and sojung, and it makes me think so much of melynda that it has been tearing me apart. i’m done apologizing for being as sensitive as i am. it’s sad, and it hurts, and i want to go away.
i don’t know how to end this. so here it goes.
140904 kimheenim: I only met Ms. Eunbi, who left for the Heaven, today for the first time through her portrait photo. Looking at her very cute and kind smile, my tears fell. On top of that, Eunbi’s mother, who is suffering more than anyone else, said, “Eunbi-yah.. Your seniors have come to pay you a visit” surprisingly consoling us in return. Looking at her like this, a lot of sadness and thoughts came to my mind. Honestly, this accident does not feel like another person’s matter, I was pondering since yesterday whether or not to post a message on the SNS. The message I wish to relay is, please make use of the safety belt. We can relate to car accidents more than anyone. 8 years ago, when I met with an accident, had I not worn the safety belt…….. Indeed, I always find it troublesome to wear safety belts but the moment I think of what happened, I will definitely wear it. I wanted to relay this message once more so I wrote this post.. I sincerely hope that Ms. Eunbi rests in peace and wish for happiness for those around Ms. Eunbi. Besides that, I also hope that Ms. Gwon RiSe, who is currently still receiving treatment, to wake up quickly. Our member Kyuhyun was also like that. When he met with an accident, he lost consciousness for 4 days.. so Ms. RiSe will definitely wake up.. really.. just like what Kyuhyun said.. just like Kyuhyun.. Praying that you stay strong until you awake. (cr)